“I can’t get over you”: What to do after a massive breakup?

"Love will lead you back. Someday I just know that love will lead you back to my arms where you belong for sure."

-Taylor Dane "Love will leave you back"

"Someday love will find you. Break those chains that bind you. One night will remind you. How we touch and went our separate ways."

• Journey " Separate Ways"
          

"Why does it hurt so bad? Why do I feel so sad?  I thought I was over you but I keep crying when I don't love you."

• Whitney Houston "Why does it hurt so bad?"
  

Have you ever been out and seen your ex-lover in public? Do you, all of sudden, get that sinking feeling in your stomach? You are not the only one who has had that feeling. I used to have it a lot during high school and college. My breakup ritual was crying, listening to sad music, and burning things (thanks Bernadine). After I exhale, I still had that lingering feeling. I felt like I needed to rekindle a flame that burned out. After a nice bump over the head, reality set in and told me to leave it alone. I had to realize the reason why my relationship ended.

I discovered a process that worked and it helped me during my time of emotional therapy. I call it the draining process. It is a process where you drain all of your memories, feelings or any bonds tied to that person. After you drain all of that excess waste, the ex becomes dead to you. This process does not come overnight but it takes time. Healing takes time. During my draining process, I wrote out all the things I wanted to say to him. Trust me, sometimes they were not sentimental feelings. Then, I would sit in a quiet room, listen to music, and have every memory play in mind like a movie. After the movie was over, the memories in my mind were erased. Then, I ask the question why am I holding on to him? What can I possibly benefit from this? Once I found answers to these questions, I just let him go. When the process was over, I felt cleansed from the past and of my ex. Whenever I see my ex, I don't get that sinking feeling anymore. He is just another face in the crowd.

MY FINAL THOUGHTS (TIPS)

1. Don't try to bring life to a dead relationship. There is a reason why it ended.
   
2. Reminiscing over the relationship is useless unless you are the cause of the breakup. Don't torture yourself with past memories.
   
3. Leave the emotional baggage in the graveyard. Don't try to carry things in past relationships into your present relationship.
   
4. Focus on you. After a breakup is a great time to reevaluate your life and what you should do.
   
5. Stop listening to songs that remind you of the past. I had a bad time with this and it put me back at square one.
   
6. Building a friendship after a relationship is not always successful. I have tried and somewhere along the lines it became more.
   
7. Don't attend events that he or she may be at.
   
8. No contact with your ex, for example: text-messages, I just called to see if you were alive calls, and facebook messages.
   

   
   

Just it let go if it is hurting or slowing your progress of getting better. It easier said than done but you can do it. I think of people that come into my life as either here for a season or a lifetime. Time will reveal if the love you share with that significant other is real. If you love something you should let it go. If it comes back to you, then it is meant to be.

Suggestive sites

Troy Byer's Freedom After Heartbreak Workshop

How to get over your Ex boyfriend

Herenton V. Cohen

The 'great' mayor of our city announced that he will be running for congress. I had a "what the hell" moment but you know what I really wanted to say. What give him audacity to say that he is suitable to run for congress? He is halfway doing his job here in the city. Just recently Forbes magazine ranked Memphis as the second dangerous city to live in America. He wants to run for congress….No… I do give him some credit for some of the improvements in the city but he has done nothing lately. Crime is still high, Memphis City Schools are in the worst shape ever and don't get me started on the city council. Living in Memphis all my life, this is probably the worst I have seen this city to become. Let Steve Cohen do his job. Herenton quoted, "that some of Memphis citizens encouraged him." I wanted to know what jackasses told him he needs to run. There is lot of stuff to do within the city. So how in hell is he going to run the state? We will see all this turn out. I ask the Memphis people to be smart and don't make the same mistake twice.

obsessed is the movie to see.

Since, the price of movies has gone up from 5.50 to 7 or nine dollars. I don't really go until the movie comes out on DVD unless I think it is a good movie. This weekend while me and my husband was celebrating our seven year anniversary, we decided to go see obsessed. I saw the preview of it when I went to go see Notorious. I said that it looks like a great movie but I have been on the fence about Beyonce's acting skills. The last three movies in my opinion were not her best. My husband did not want to go see it because it's Beyonce (long story). I bought my tickets early and paid $17.00 for the 9:40 showing. Me and my husband was appalled when the line was outside the door for people trying to see this movie. Good thing we bought our tickets early lol. What was strange to me was the movie theater we go to is hardly ever has a packed house but this time the line was out the door on a Saturday. Maybe because of the recession how knows but people waiting to go see this movie. The movie is very good and Beyonce definitely acted her butt off. Even my husband like Beyonce for once lol. This is great movie to see and it is chilling thriller . The girl who plays opposite of Beyonce gives a new meaning to the word crazy. Beyonce tapped into her hood roots on this one and it worked.The movie has a lot of action and suspense and it has just enough to keep at the edge of your seats until the end. Only negative thing I have to say is I didn't like the hair that she was wearing. She should have chose something different. It should teach guys a lesson about going after a free agent when you got your star player taking care of home. I suggest for anybody that is married, single or dating to go see obsessed. I guarantee you that you will love it.

My thoughts on "Black and White" discussion part one

Before the event
Arriving 35 minutes early in a chilly Rose theater, I was excited about the panel discussion. I think that this will be a great topic to expand on because I am utterly disappointed about news coverage in Memphis. Being a native Memphian all my life, I have seen a lot of racism on and off screen . This topic must be addressed especially in the Journalism because we are painters of images in society. We must be unbiased in our newsgathering. We will see if our panel can bring some light into a gloomy situation. I am hopeful.

After the event
The panel exceeded past my expectations. I was amazed and educated at the same time. I mean wow!!! It was a diversed group of people that included journalists and community leaders. All of them had a variety of opinions that were useful to a young journalists like myself. On the panel were Karanja Ajanku (Tri-State Defender), Joe Birch (WMC 5), Donna Davis (Former anchor on WMC 5), Wanda Halbert ( City Council), Ken Jobe (News Director), Otis Straford (Commerical Appeal), Johnnie Turner ( President of the Memphis chapter NAACP), Jim Turpin ( News Director) and Bruce Moore (News Director ). The discussion opened up with when Bruce Moore showed the audience a compliation of clips the good and bad in reporting. Afterwards, there was another clip shown about the beer shooting in Memphis. It was about a man who got shot in the street over a beer. It was a breaking news event and Janice Broach , who was the first reporter on the scene, interviewed a lady. The lady was speaking in a dialect that you could not understand better known as "Memphis talk".
I found it offensive along with other people on the panel but Davis justified the story by explaining that was the person they could find at moment. Who I thought stole the show was Johnnie Turner. Mrs. Turner was an outspoken character and considered herself as the watchdog of the Memphis media. She spoken out about couple of the things like the gun permit story and New York Post cartoon. I learned about being fair and accurate which is not a problem for me. We as journalists should tell the whole story and convince the audience in the wrong direction. Each person had sound advice to give to us at the end of the discussion.

Karanja Ajanku
"Hire people that are "culturally comptent."

Donna Davis
"Remember how you can serve and use your voices."

Wanda Halbert
"To be senstive and balance in your reporting." "Stop trying to sway the perception of the story just tell the story."

Ken Jobe
"Get in the newsroom and bring fairness with you."

Otis Straford
" You can't be a really good journalist unless you establish good relationships."

Johnnie Turner
" We have a reputation of being polarized."
"Tell the otherside."

Jim Turpin
" We need newsroom leaders"
"Just because we can doesn't mean we should."


Final Thoughts
As new Journalists, we must come with a clear consicious and bring ethics back into business. We must not cheat our viewers but give them the story. Our job is to seek the truth and report it. It is time to get back to basics.

"Families of fallen "soilders can grieve in private."

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/29410258/

This is an interesting article I read on MSNBC. It is about photographs of fallen soldiers from Iraq. We all remember the picture of the American flag draped over the coffins. It caused a stir of negative emotions toward the war. In 1991, President Bush placed a ban on photographs of fallen soldiers published in any major publication. As of today a change has come, Secretary of Defense Robert Gates has a overturn the ban. Now, the decision is left to the family of the deceased solider and with the help of our new president; the plan will be implemented. Whenever a photo is taken, it is up to the family to decide whether to publish it. I chose this topic because I was once in the military and husband is still in the military. He has done his tour in Iraq and about to do another one later this year. If I was in that position, I would not have a picture of my husband's coffin published because it is a private matter. The images would be too painful to bear and so many other families will agree. There is a high level of respect for the dead and as journalist we hold respect the families' wishes. Also, it mentioned in the article if this ban is overturned they would allow military photographers to take pictures instead of journalists. I guess there is certain level of distrust of the media because we have seen painful images of this current war. We need to earn back our respect from the military... Besides they are risking their lives to keep our freedom protected

Welcome !!!!

Hello,
Well this is a new experience for me but thanks Dr. Kelley. I will be blogging about things related to Journalism and some other personal things going in my life. I am going through a transitional period in my life so sometimes I will post some personal things that I free write. Hopefully, blogging will revitalized my creative writing skills because I had writer's block for five years now. I hope some of the things I write will open your minds and help you along the way.


Love and Blessings
Tiffany