“I can’t get over you”: What to do after a massive breakup?

"Love will lead you back. Someday I just know that love will lead you back to my arms where you belong for sure."

-Taylor Dane "Love will leave you back"

"Someday love will find you. Break those chains that bind you. One night will remind you. How we touch and went our separate ways."

• Journey " Separate Ways"
          

"Why does it hurt so bad? Why do I feel so sad?  I thought I was over you but I keep crying when I don't love you."

• Whitney Houston "Why does it hurt so bad?"
  

Have you ever been out and seen your ex-lover in public? Do you, all of sudden, get that sinking feeling in your stomach? You are not the only one who has had that feeling. I used to have it a lot during high school and college. My breakup ritual was crying, listening to sad music, and burning things (thanks Bernadine). After I exhale, I still had that lingering feeling. I felt like I needed to rekindle a flame that burned out. After a nice bump over the head, reality set in and told me to leave it alone. I had to realize the reason why my relationship ended.

I discovered a process that worked and it helped me during my time of emotional therapy. I call it the draining process. It is a process where you drain all of your memories, feelings or any bonds tied to that person. After you drain all of that excess waste, the ex becomes dead to you. This process does not come overnight but it takes time. Healing takes time. During my draining process, I wrote out all the things I wanted to say to him. Trust me, sometimes they were not sentimental feelings. Then, I would sit in a quiet room, listen to music, and have every memory play in mind like a movie. After the movie was over, the memories in my mind were erased. Then, I ask the question why am I holding on to him? What can I possibly benefit from this? Once I found answers to these questions, I just let him go. When the process was over, I felt cleansed from the past and of my ex. Whenever I see my ex, I don't get that sinking feeling anymore. He is just another face in the crowd.

MY FINAL THOUGHTS (TIPS)

1. Don't try to bring life to a dead relationship. There is a reason why it ended.
   
2. Reminiscing over the relationship is useless unless you are the cause of the breakup. Don't torture yourself with past memories.
   
3. Leave the emotional baggage in the graveyard. Don't try to carry things in past relationships into your present relationship.
   
4. Focus on you. After a breakup is a great time to reevaluate your life and what you should do.
   
5. Stop listening to songs that remind you of the past. I had a bad time with this and it put me back at square one.
   
6. Building a friendship after a relationship is not always successful. I have tried and somewhere along the lines it became more.
   
7. Don't attend events that he or she may be at.
   
8. No contact with your ex, for example: text-messages, I just called to see if you were alive calls, and facebook messages.
   

   
   

Just it let go if it is hurting or slowing your progress of getting better. It easier said than done but you can do it. I think of people that come into my life as either here for a season or a lifetime. Time will reveal if the love you share with that significant other is real. If you love something you should let it go. If it comes back to you, then it is meant to be.

Suggestive sites

Troy Byer's Freedom After Heartbreak Workshop

How to get over your Ex boyfriend